Heedlessness

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Showing a reckless lack of care or attention

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend, we were talking about a predicament she’d got herself into. She said she was being dumb, I said that wasn’t the right word for it, she asked what word I would use to describe what she’d done. Quickly  I’d Google searched “doing something without thinking of the consequences” and after reading through a list of synonyms I finally came across the perfect word. Heedless.

Many people are heedless , I’m not sure how many people can relate but I aways find that I worry about other people doing literally the same things I do. It’s almost like I can not bother to care about myself and the consequences that will happen as a direct response to the actions I take, but if someone else smoked, took drugs or skipped meals sometimes I’d lecture them to death. I used to smoke, hiding it from one of my online friends I’d lecture her a lot about how she should never ever smoke, about how I hate smoking and telling her all these statistics about how smoking causes cancer and other life threatening illnesses to prevent her from ever wanting to pick up a cigarette. A few hours later I’d probably be hanging outside my window with a Malboro light.  

Many people, including me have the attitude that it won’t happen to them, I won’t get cancer from smoking, I won’t get pregnant, I won’t be addicted. We kid ourselves as we light our 10th cigarette of the day that it’s just because this has been a stressful week, I don’t need it, I can quit tomorrow and not feel a thing. Tomorrow comes and at 5pm you reward yourself with just one as you’ve gone all day without smoking, then again at 7pm. Tomorrow you’ll have your coffee and a cigarette and you’ll kid yourself that you’re not addicted.

Heedlessness is worrying, take a look at what you don’t condone other people doing, and then take a look at yourself. 

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Sleep

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Similarly to many other internet dwellers I find myself awake at 3am again, and again, and again. It’s just a routine habit I find myself slipping into at every opportunity I get. Even if I’ve been up since 6am I’m able to stay awake with ease until 4am the next day, this as you can imagine has its disadvantages.

Being nocturnal for me is great, it gives me time to concentrate on projects and work, or even just relax on Tumblr or catch up on TV without being disturbed. Sitting out on my shed roof at night with my iPad is one of my favourite things to do, living in a suburban area is so quiet at night with only a few cars passing means that you have ample opportunity to just think, and relax while everyone else is asleep. However thinking more often than not leads to overthinking, falling into a state of “why the fuck am I here?” and “what is the meaning of life?” means that alongside many others find ourselves stuck in what seems to be a permanent, or at least semi-permanent state of existential crisis.

Globalisation has allowed everybody to connect with everyone all over the world, watching shows from different countries and of course the explosion of social media (timezones) means that sleep just isn’t as appealing to me as staying up and watching anime on Netflix (using the all important proxy to allow access to the American site). I’m able to connect with anyone, anywhere, just not irl.

In an ideal world we’d never have to sleep, there could just be a drink, or tablet that would allow anyone to stay awake for days on end without crashing.

I’m not really sure what my main aims of this post was, I’ve not really drawn any conclusions apart from the fact that I dislike sleep, it just takes away a huge chunk of time that would be spent doing anything else, but you’re just stuck sleeping, not actually contributing to anything. Being awake at night is one of my favourite things, it’s just nice.  It might just be a teenager thing that I’ll grow out of when I’m in my thirties or I’ll carry on being nocturnal and hating the daylight.

 

Quick introduction

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Hi, awkward beginnings are in order!

My name is Jennifer, I live in the south of England which means I sound like the queen, I’m 17 and currently studying for my A-levels while living at home, and I have a part time job. This blog is probably going to be more for my benefit, a place for me to rant about life, school, work, family and to express my opinions about stuff but I would hope you’ll learn from my many, many, many mistakes as an extremely flawed human being, but forgive me if I get a bit deep sometimes (existential crisis anyone?).